BLOG POST TWELVE: THE LONG WEEKEND

Right, okay hello, I'm doing a blovella. I started one a while back about a young woman starting Uni and had some ideas for stuff I wanted to put in it, but then I sat down to write some scenes and felt like they were all pretty much botch-jobs so it never really happened. I think I might be better at it when I'm back at Uni (I hope to be back at Uni soon). 

Anyway, the new blog novella is called The Long Weekend. I am going to introduce some 'situations' and allow the readers to decide which route the protagonist should take. FYI, this is pretty groundbreaking stuff.

BLOG POST ELEVEN: MOTIVATIONAL POSTER #2

Hi everyone, I've done another motivational poster. It's designed for people who are creative, to give you that extra boost, maybe print it out and put it above your desk?

BLOG POST TEN: PIZZA PARTY

Hi everyone I'm just doing a blog to say there is a great new podcast available for everyone who is enthusiasitc about pizza/pizza varieties. It's called Pizza Party and it's by two emerging experts in the field of Pizza called Chris Killen and Socrates Adams.


If you'd like to find it then please click on the following internet hyperlink:

click here for pizza party . biz

BLOG POST NINE: MY FRIEND EMMA GETS HEAVILY DRUNK AND READS POEMS THAT HAVE BEEN SENT TO ME EPISODE II

Hi guys, I never quite got around to re-posting the second episode of this, but I am doing it now because I would really like you to send me a poem for Emma to read so we can do another one. 

If you would like us to do a reading of your poem please post a link to it in the comments, that seems like the best way of doing it maybe? Then I will give Emma a few tequilas or something and she will bring your words to life.

BLOG POST EIGHT: AN INTERVIEW WITH GRIZZLY BEAR

Hello, ages ago I interview a band called The Grizzly Bears who are A++++ brilliant. It was on Clapham Common, I think. They were great guys, we had a nice talk, but I had recently had one of those 'filter coffees' from Pret (they are basically stewed black tar that sends you insane for ~25mins). I might have been a bit 'fast paced' and I went away thinking "Those guys were the actual professionals in that situation, I think I just about got away with that." Also, Daniel Rossen took one look at me (I was wearing a novelty jumper) and sort of wandered off, which is completely fair enough, actually. I think Daniel Rossen and Annie Clark are probably my two favourite guitarists currently actively making albums at the 'height of the their talent'. Basically what I'm trying to say is Rossen is a fricking genius and he can do whatever he wants. Here is the lovely chat that Chris Taylor and Chris Bear and I had. 


Originally published on The Line of Best Fit.

All tomorrow’s parties this weekend. That’s a cultural experience in England, going to a Butlins in Minehead, really.
Haha, yeah?

Do you guys have anything like that in the US?
There’s nothing where you stay there… I mean 6 flags America has hotels nearby….

Chris Bear: Yeah but nothing out in the country like that.

I’m going to the Breeders one, I’m gonna miss you guys.
It seems that they do so many of those now there’s like every week or something! There’s a Halloween one? The Christmas one. The programming with the bands is crazy awesome.

Chris Taylor @ ATP 2009. All live photographs by Richard Thane.

I’ve been following Ed on twitter.
Oh, okay…

What’s this Snoop Dogg thing?
We… we really just wanna hang.

Yeah?
Chris Bear: We just really think he’d be cool to hang out with.

Is it because maybe he could do a rap with your band name? Like Grizzle Bizzle something…
Yeah that would work really well…  hanging with the bizzle.  And all that business.

Chris Bear. Yeah that could work really well.

I just like his phrasing! it’s just like… soothing… in a way.

He got banned from the UK for a while.

Oh really?

Yeah I think there was some shit about drugs or something…
Oh that’s horrible, I just think it’d be cool to hang with him… He seems like a cool… I mean in terms of huge cultural icons, I think that he’s got a good vibe and I think it’s pretty admirable that he just remains like really mellow and stoned, like all the time. Like on the television.

Did he get in contact?
No, that’s the funny thing. Ed’s just kinda endlessly pestering him on twitter every day… just to see.

BLOG POST SEVEN: BRIT LIT TEA TIME

Hi everyone, last night I read at a really amazing, brilliant event organised by Paige Gretsy called Brit Lit tea time. The line up was 'off the chain' :

Crispin Best Diane Marie Thom James Moon Tzu Livia Franchini Dan Holloway Lucy K Shaw John Brnlv Rogers Tegan Christmas Vicki Tingle Susie Anderson Giles Ruffer Peter Bloxham Joe Vaughan Michael Scarborough Emily Louise Church Paige Gresty

EDIT: I have obnoxiously made a 'clip' of my 'performance' which you can watch here:



All of them were so brilliant, you should watch the Spreecast of it below. I have had to make it small to fit on the blog, but click the little speech bubble button on the top right to see the chat from the audience which is really quite funny/scary/clever/nice all the way through. (My bit is at 1:50, I think.)

Thank you to Paige and everyone for a great evening of great talented people.

BLOG POST SIX: AN EXTRACT FROM SOMETHING I AM WRITING

An overweight woman gets on at the next stop with her toddler. They sit in the seats near the front. 

The woman begins shouting at the toddler for some reason. She calls him a ‘fucking retard’. The woman has rows of thin teeth with too much space between them. She looks like she is made out of pale, floury dough. She has thin brown hair. 

I think about shaving her head and putting her in a huge glass container of vinegar, keeping the huge container in a secret room in my flat. She will float there, fat and naked, slowly dissolving. I will occasionally tap lightly on the glass and her eyes will open and stare out at me through the murk. I will put my palm flat on the glass and feel my heartbeat slowing. We will have a ‘mutual understanding’. 

Over the years she will melt to nothing, the fat will float, will set into a thick yellow layer at the top of the tank. I will pour the cloudy liquid into mugs. I will pour the woman down the kitchen sink, mug by mug. I will spread the fat on toast and hang it from a tree and learn a pagan prayer and recite it for her. 

I will sell the empty vat that once contained her on ebay, it will still have the grey, slick residue of her dissolved flesh on the inside. I will list the item as GLASS CONTAINER WITH GENUINE HUMAN RESIDUE, ONE OF A KIND. 

Someone will steal it from me in a Paypal scam.

 Fine rain is starting to drift down, misting the bus windows.